


Lost and Found

by xenonni



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: F/F, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenonni/pseuds/xenonni
Summary: While helping Tsubasa clean her room at the Kazanari estate, Maria runs into an item that reminds Tsubasa of someone she's lost. Maria's likewise reminded of her own loss, and how she copes. She and Tsubasa share a moment of grief.
Relationships: Maria Cadenzavna Eve/Kazanari Tsubasa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	Lost and Found

The door to  Tsubasa’s room slid open. Unsurprisingly, the place was a catastrophe.  So unlike her in every other way, the scattered contents of the room betrayed nothing of the  normally disciplined and orderly girl. Maria couldn’t help but wonder what had gone so horribly wrong when it came to  Tsubasa learning to clean up after herself.

The diversity of clutter was almost amazing. There were the expected items, clothes, shoes, a bag of cosmetics that looked like it hadn’t been ever opened. Poster tubes in the corner peeking out from behind a few pairs of discarded underwear. A drably colored mound of bed sheets next to the bed, and discarded pillows scattered on either side of it. There were also things that were more unexpected: a giant stuffed animal in the corner, half hidden behind a framed painting that was facing the wall. A boxy looking vacuum cleaner covered in stickers. A sturdy looking black case made from a hard plastic with two handles sticking off each side. Maria didn’t get to see the state of  Tsubasa’s room very often, as when they were traveling together they seldom stayed in the same place long enough for  Tsubasa to accumulate too much of a mess. But here, back at the  Kazanari estate, her room had only had the opportunity to get messier and messier over the years... and no one had taken the time to take care of it. Until now.

The normally confident  Tsubasa was now hesitating at the threshold of her abode, her face downcast in shame and  embarrassment as Maria surveyed the mess. Maria was careful to keep her expression neutral; she’d heard it was bad, and she’d seen what kind of a mess  Tsubasa could create. But this... she could hardly see the floor in most places, let alone find somewhere to step or sit. It was a wonder that  Tsubasa had been sleeping here for the past week. No wonder she had asked Maria for help cleaning up the place... but why did she wait so long?

Tsubasa stepped into the room, still downcast, allowing Maria to slip in behind her. Tsubasa closed the door after them and sullenly stared at the mess before her. “Thanks for helping,” she said quietly. “I know it’s bad...”   
“Well, let’s get started then,” Maria said, determined not to let Tsubasa sulk about instead of cleaning up.

They started near the bed, as that was where some of the larger and easier to move items were. At first, Tsubasa had been practically exuding mortification at having Maria digging into the piles of clothes and other items strewn about the bed. But over time, Maria’s careful focus on the task at hand eventually helped to put Tsubasa at ease. Regularly Maria would run into items that she either didn’t recognize or had to ask Tsubasa where to put them. There wasn’t anything particularly dirty or gross about the mess, it was mostly just clutter... but how many pairs of motorcycle socks did a girl need to have? Didn’t they just transform when she activated her gear anyways?

Eventually, they started getting down to the roots of one of the piles. Maria saw some black cloth peeking out from beneath a corner of the bed where it was partially pinned, and she gave it a tug. The cloth stretched a bit before coming free, and Maria held up the oversized t-shirt in front of her. “Huh? ‘ Zwei -Wing?’” There was nothing on it but the red-orange text, and the quality of it wasn’t particularly great, something that was probably mass-manufactured. It looked like something that would fit a man several sizes larger than  Tsubasa . In fact, it would practically be a dress on her lithe frame. Maria balled it up to throw it into the pile of things they were planning to donate, figuring that the massive garment couldn’t possibly belong to  Tsubasa . It landed on the pile and spread out, partially revealing the words on it. As Maria bent back down to grab more things from under the  bed she heard an yelp from  Tsubasa , followed by the sounds of several boxes tumbling over each other from the closet where she had been.

“Tsubasa! Are you—ow!” Maria banged her head on the edge of the bed frame. This time she carefully pulled her head out from under the bed, looking to the closet only to find Tsubasa wasn’t there anymore. Instead, she had knocked over the pile of donations and was clutching something tightly to her chest. What? That pile was practically on the other side of the room from her. She must have lept...

Tracing Tsubasa’s trajectory was a stack of boxes they had precariously moved out of the way some half an hour before, which were now toppled across the floor that had just barely begun to become visible again. Their contents were likewise splayed across the space between Tsubasa and the closet, making the girl look like the center of a mini-impact crater.

“Tsubasa, what are you...?” Maria began to crawl across the bed towards Tsubasa, where she was still tightly curled up on the floor. “Are you okay? What was that?” She asked, pointing towards the closet.

“I’m keeping this one,” she said softly. Though her words were firm, there was a slight waver to her voice.

“Tsubasa we talked about this. You can’t keep all of these things, there’s not enough space for all of them. Just set it aside and we’ll look at it later, okay?”

But she didn’t move. Maria looked at her feeling slightly exasperated and reached a hand down to Tsubasa’s shoulder to turn her over. “Hey, listen...”

There were tears running down her cheeks.

“Wait, are you okay? You didn’t hurt yourself diving for that pile did you?” She glanced quickly back at the trail of debris Tsubasa had created for any offending implements that might have grazed her as she leaped past. 

“I’m fine,” Tsubasa said a little stronger this time. Maria looked back as Tsubasa uncurled just enough to wipe the tears from her cheeks with the black ball of fabric she’d been clutching so tightly. “Really, I’m fine. I just... I need to keep this one. It was... from our first concert together.”

_ Zwei-Wing. That’s where I’ve heard it before! How could I have forgotten? _ Realization dawned on Maria in an instant. Though Tsubasa seemed anything but fine, Maria nodded. “I got it. That’s one you should definitely keep then.”

Maria pulled her arm back, perched uncertainly on the edge of the bed. She thought about going right back to cleaning up, but the sight of Tsubasa crying on the floor didn’t sit well with her at all.

“Are you sure you’re okay? We can take a break for a moment if you want.”

Tsubasa curled up tighter, hiding her face as she said something muffled into the shirt. The sobs were beginning to come in earnest now, racking her body as she convulsed on the floor. Maria crawled forward off of the bed, careful not to knock over a precarious tower of CDs next to her. Sitting on the floor she laid a hand gently on Tsubasa’s shoulder. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I... miss her, so much,” Tsubasa choked out, barely audible between sobs. “Kanade...”

The grief of loss settled like a dark specter over Maria’s shoulders. She remembered that pain. She could never forget it. Even to say that it had suddenly come across her wasn’t quite right; deep down she knew that it was always there. A pain that was always present for someone who never was.

Maria silently shifted Tsubasa so that her head was resting in her lap. She stayed tightly pressed to the shirt, still soaking it with her tears as Maria began to gently run a hand through her hair. Tsubasa’s wordless shakes were accompanied by the occasionally audible sob, the only sound in the silent room.

_ “The apple floated in the sky. _

_ The apple fell down to the ground.” _

The words came almost unbidden to Maria’s lips as she began to sing. Feeling her friend’s grief, and how it echoed her own, it was the only thing she could think of to keep the darkness from consuming her.

_ “The stars were born, the songs were born. _

_ The Lulu Amelu smiled for eternity. _

_ The stars kissed, the songs slept. _

__

_ Where will they call home? _

_ Where will they call home? _

__

_ The apple fell down to the ground. _

_ The apple floated in the sky.” _

By the time she had finished, she realized Tsubasa had stopped crying, though she still held the shirt tightly. Maria had been gently stroking her hair the entire time, something the normally resolute girl would probably have rebuked her for. Now she just seemed subdued, and grateful for the touch.

“I sing that song, not because I’m afraid to forget her. I could never forget Serena, or the hole in my heart where she should be, if I tried. I sing that song to remember her. To remember our bond, to remember her smile. Even when all those things were taken from me, even when remembering I’ll never see that smile again, even when I think about how much it hurts... I sing to remember her. So that I can move forward. So that I can try to be happy, like she would have wanted.

“I’m not going to tell you that the pain ever stops. It still hurts so much whenever I think about losing her. Even though it’s been so long... that day still reaches across the years to drag me down into an overwhelming despair. I think, maybe, that you feel some of that.

She was silent again for a moment, continuing to gently stroke Tsubasa’s hair. She felt a tear running down her cheek.

“You’re not... you’re not going to tell me to get better? To be stronger? For her memory, or-or for myself?” Tsubasa said softly.

Maria shook her head “You’re plenty strong already, Tsubasa. And plenty hard enough on yourself.”

“I feel so weak without her,” she sobbed.

“Perhaps. But admitting your grief, and pushing into it anyways, accepting it, even if it means you cry—there's nothing weak about that.” The tear slid down to the bottom of her chin, where it fell down to land on the side of Tsubasa’s head, just above her temple. Her eyes widened as she looked up at Maria, as her tears began to flow. 

“Even if you cry... there’s nothing wrong with that.”


End file.
